Tears in the Syrup: What My Daughters Taught Me about Leading Change
The tears started dripping into the syrup of my preteen daughter’s pancakes. Susan and I had just told our two oldest daughters that I had accepted a call to a new church. After the initial tears came the questions, one right after another. New state? New town? New school? Friends? Change is difficult for any family to navigate, and it produces a wide range of emotions.
The questions a family wrestles through are not so different from the ones a church family faces. In a world full of changes, hearing that a pastor is leaving represents one more that people have to absorb. Yet a congregation does not experience that news as a single group. People hear the same announcement, but they process it through different relationships, experiences, fears, and hopes. Wise leaders recognize those differences and help the church keep moving together.
For some, the first concern will be what they might lose. Others will begin imagining what God could do next. Longtime members may feel the change more personally than those who arrived recently. Informal leaders may suddenly carry greater influence. Someone who has lived through a painful pastoral transition may hear the present news through the memory of that earlier experience. None of those responses should surprise us.
Communication is the primary leadership response to this congregational reality. In a pastoral transition, communication is not simply about passing along information. It is about preserving trust while people do not yet know what comes next. That requires clear communication, frequent communication, and often the patience to repeat the same message more than once.
A leadership transition involves many conversations. It was once common practice for a pastor to announce a departure by surprise, perhaps by reading a resignation letter at the end of a service. Circumstances may sometimes require an unexpected announcement, but whenever possible, a healthy transition begins much earlier and within the right circles. Pastors and boards need time to pray, prepare, and decide how the congregation will be served through the process.
Pastoral succession affects more than a position on an organizational chart. It affects an entire body of people. Paul reminds us in 1 Corinthians 12:26 that when one part of the body is affected, the rest of the body shares in it. A pastor’s departure touches relationships, ministries, expectations, and sometimes a congregation’s sense of identity. Leaders should consider not only who needs to be informed, but also who needs an appropriate voice as the transition unfolds.
Information and participation are not the same thing, and both matter. Giving people a voice does not mean everyone votes on every decision. Healthy leadership makes clear where the congregation will participate, where the church’s governing documents call for a vote, where leaders are responsible to decide, and how people can ask questions and offer input along the way. That clarity helps prevent participation from creating expectations the process was never meant to carry.
Creating room for the congregation to ask questions, process out loud, and grieve without being rushed toward resolution builds trust. A question and answer session, a listening meeting, or simply an open invitation to bring concerns to a leader by name can do more than a carefully worded announcement alone. A congregation invited into the process experiences a transition differently than one that has only been informed of it.
A congregation does not need to know every detail, but sharing what is helpful to the health of the body reduces the space in which rumor and suspicion grow. During a transition, people may quietly wonder what they are not being told, whether a decision has already been made, whether their concerns matter, or whether the church will be alright. Honest communication cannot answer every question immediately, but it can assure people that leaders are not hiding from the questions.
Whether it is an emergency succession plan or one describing a normal departure, letting the congregation know that a plan exists demonstrates that leadership is being proactive rather than reactive. The mechanics will vary from church to church, but a succession plan is often best presented jointly by the senior pastor and the board chair or another designated leader. A united message keeps mixed signals from creeping in and gives people confidence in what they are hearing.
Preparing a church for a new chapter is itself an act of discipleship. A succession plan that is shared and discussed well ahead of time helps a congregation understand that churches belong to Christ, not to any one leader. It also creates room to honor a pastor’s ministry while preparing faithfully for what God has in store.
Grief is a natural part of any significant change, and it is alright to grieve the departure of a pastor. We may want to downplay emotions or move too quickly toward the positive, but grief is often evidence of a relationship that mattered. People may be grieving a pastor, a season of ministry, or simply the loss of what felt familiar and secure.
It is just as important to say plainly that it is alright to feel hope and excitement about what comes next, without guilt. Grief and hope can exist in the same congregation and even in the same person. Naming both gives people permission to be honest about where they are without suggesting that one response is more spiritual than the other. Leaders do not need to force everyone to the same emotional place. They need to make room for the body to walk through the change together.
One of our younger daughters, a preschooler at the time, took the news differently than her older sister. She left the room without a word. Susan and I kept talking through how to walk our family through the move until she came back a few minutes later with a big smile, dragging a toy suitcase behind her packed with stuffed animals. “Let’s go!”
Different people, in different settings, facing the same change, moving at very different paces, but all moving in the same direction eventually.
Church life works the same way. A leader’s job is not to rush the congregation’s timeline, but to keep the church moving together with clarity, patience, and trust. A congregation that has received honest information, been invited to participate appropriately, and been given room to grieve and hope can eventually find its way to “let’s go” too.
Converge Great Lakes offers a succession cohort designed to help pastors and boards begin these conversations before a crisis forces the issue. If you sense the time has come to explore succession for your church, reach out for details about an upcoming cohort or simply to discuss your situation. Our team is ready and willing to help you and your church family navigate whatever comes next.
